


jetlagged sky, just before the rain

by babblesmarie



Series: NURSEYDEX WEEK 2k16 [1]
Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Absent Parents, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nursey's moms actually love him a lot but we don't see that here, NurseyDex Week 2016, Vaguely Referenced/Implied Depression, they don't technically get together in this but more like build up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2016-07-23
Packaged: 2018-07-26 05:27:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7562173
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babblesmarie/pseuds/babblesmarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nursey was like an analog alarm clock. His second hand would stop ticking and spinning but the alarm would go off at the right time regardless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	jetlagged sky, just before the rain

**Author's Note:**

> So basically I just realized /this/ week is NurseyDex week and I'm trying to make up for it. None of the later works in this series are related to this one, they're just all part of NurseyDex Week 2016.
> 
> The title kind of comes from [ Northern Wind by City And Colour.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uwy_8O_3mWk) The proper lyrics are "jet black sky/that's just before the rain" but the first time I heard it I thought it said "jetlagged" and I liked it so much I kept it even after I realized I was wrong.
> 
> Derek's problems are _loosely_ based on [ this post.](http://unchillnursey.tumblr.com/post/147141514934/nursey-hates-his-hands)
> 
> I'm still trying to get the characterization down for these guys so if y'all have any tips that'd be aces!
> 
> All writing and editing done by me. I tried to get this one at least out as close to the actual date the prompt was set for as possible so this could and probably is, riddled with errors. The characters come from [Check, Please!](http://omgcheckplease.tumblr.com.)

If anyone asked, Dex hadn't been monitoring Nursey's moods. He had, which why there was a problem to begin with. Nursey seemed chill about anything, about everything. It was the kind of guy he was, or wanted to be at the least. There were discernible habits that gave him away, though. When his fingers were bitten raw or the fraction of a second longer he took to compose himself when he walked into a room.

Nursey was like an analog clock. His second hand would stop ticking and spinning but the alarm would go off at the right time regardless.

Dex's most recent excuse for analyzing Nursey was that they were teammates, two gears in a well oiled machine. If Nursey was just the slightest bit off it would affect Dex and the rest of the team. On an honest note, he did it because he and Nursey had managed to become friends since their freshman year, to everyone's surprise and delight.

Recently, though, Nursey had been going through another one of his moods. He wasn't acting odd enough for anyone other than Dex to notice. It wasn't one of Nursey's usual spells like Dex had originally thought. He didn't seem like he was running out of steam in the middle of the day, but more like shutters over what was typically an open window. He didn't hole himself up in the corner with his headphones and a blank moleskin journal that he'd never write in.

No, it wasn't quite like that. At face value he was the same Nursey, draped and posed over his friend's on the biohazard of a couch like he was born to be there. Then he had taken a phone call and came back rigid and quiet. He sat back down next to Dex but he hadn't perfected his “chill” sprawl. His leg twitched periodically next to Dex's and he sat on the edge of the couch cushion.

Nursey must have been aware of his stiffness because he took a hit every time Lardo wordlessly passed her pipe to him. He checked his phone with every new notification but didn't reply to anything which was unlike him. He always had his phone on silent which made it easy to miss texts and calls—which pissed Dex off to no end—but whenever he realized he had a text he'd reply instantly. From his spot next to Nursey all Dex had to do was glance down to see the caller ID flashing “mama.”

Dex nudged Nursey, harsher than he should have. “Your mom's calling.”

Nursey's eyes flicked down to the phone before he turned it off. He didn't say anything, just let his head fall with a dull thump as it met the exposed wood at the back of the couch. It sounded painful to Dex's ears but Nursey only sighed.

Dex leaned back to mimic Nursey's pose. He nudged Nursey with his elbow again, cautious and gentle. Nursey didn't reply with a nudge of his own, but the searing and solid pressure of his weight against Dex. The casual physical contact between the two d-men was new, but not unwelcome. A year ago, or even months ago, Dex would have pushed Nursey away or chirped him. He might still have chirped him if he had been in a better mood.

Dex hoped Lardo was too high to notice the way he turned his head to count the number of times Nursey clenched and released his jaw. Dex ignored the urge to stick his thumb against the hinge of and force him to unlock it.

 

Nursey didn't get any better. He got worse enough that the others started noticing. Holster and Ransom caught him tripping up at practice, Chowder claimed he hadn't touched his threadbare poetry journal, even Jack—who hadn't been down from Providence—asked after him when he hadn't seen Nursey participating in the group chat as often.

To a complete stranger Nursey might seem fine. When Dex walked past his dorm his weird indie music still flowed under the the crack between the bottom of the door and the carpet. He still looked unfairly like a model with his perfectly manicured eyebrows and spotless complexion. He shoved his fingers—bitten to the quick—into his gloves and pockets any time he was in public.

To the trained eye, though, to the eye of anyone who had ever been placed on Nursey Patrol, the kid was a wreck. He didn't sing in the shower after practice and he didn't quote poetry instead of talking like a normal person. He hardly talked unless he was directly talked to.

Dex wasn't so insensitive as to blatantly ask what the fuck was going on, but every day he didn't have an answer was another day closer to him blowing up. He knew it was unreasonable. Nursey was entitled to his privacy.

But they had been making progress, or so Dex had thought. Nursey had even posted a picture of two of them to his Instagram captioned “look at my best friend” with a gross amount of emojis and exclamation points. He had done that with Chowder within a month but it had taken Dex over a year to get there. How bad was this thing of Nursey's that he couldn't—or wouldn't—tell his best friends?

Dex had resolved to talk to Nursey long before Ransom and Holster had asked as their captains. The only reason Dex hadn't done it already was because he had yet to find a modicum of finesse required to approach the topic.

Instead of wasting time coming up with a speech to practice, Dex waited outside of Nursey's last class of the day with a cup of ridiculously overpriced coffee. These types of things were supposed to work when they came from the heart. Or something.

Nursey was one of the first people out of the building. He hadn't stayed back to talk after class like Dex knew he had a tendency to do. In fact he walked with his head down to avoid being recognized. Dex almost felt bad for walking up to him.

“Nursey, hey.” Dex matched Nursey's stride easily, extending the cup of coffee once the crowd had thinned. Nursey took it with a quirked eyebrow.

“Is this how we're greeting each other now?” he chirped. “You don't even like coffee from Annie's.”

Dex snorted and wished it didn't sound so derisive. “Don't get used to it.”

Nursey graciously didn't point out the fact that Dex had gotten his complicated order exactly right despite never willingly going to the coffee shop for himself. The softer line of his shoulders told Dex he noticed anyway.

The two defensemen walked in silence to the dorm block. Nursey held open the door and a quick glance at his hands had Dex's stomach clenching. Nursey had forgone the gloves, leaving his red, scabbed up, and scarred hands on display. Dex moved inside quickly, careful not to let his gaze linger. Whether or not Nursey had noticed Dex noticing was debatable but he shoved his hand back in his pocket. He didn't say anything when Dex followed him to his door rather than going up the stairs at the end of the hall that led to his floor. He let Dex inside without a glance behind him.

Dex closed the door but remained standing as Nursey dropped his bag on the ground and finished off the last of his coffee. Nursey had a single with a fully functional desk but he opted to curl up on the bed, legs in the air. He dragged his textbooks to him and finally looked up when he found the page he was looking for.

“You just going to stand there, Poindexter? I've got some Calc problems I could use—“

“We need to talk,” Dex interrupted. He cringed internally at how intense he sounded just as Nursey had started to relax. Nursey's posture stiffened in an instant.

“No not—we don't _need—_ I. We should talk. If you want.”

Nursey hummed and tilted his head. “Not following. Calculus?”

Dex sighed and ran a hand over his face. He was so bad at talking. “Nursey what's going on? You've been kind of off lately and not like usual.”

“Like usual?” Nursey questioned. He sounded defensive.

“You go into this funk, sometimes, I don't know. This isn't like that though. You haven't written anything outside of class and its affecting your game on the ice.”

Nursey didn't say anything, but he turned his attention to his book. His feet had stopped swinging.

“What I'm trying to say is if you need to talk—“

“Thanks, William, but I pay a therapist for that.”

That information sat heavy in Dex's chest. People who were okay didn't see therapists. He fished around for something appropriate, for something that didn't sound like pity or disregard. His silence, however, had settled something in Nursey.

“I'll get my shit together,” he said. “Thanks for the heads up. You can go now.”

Dex had avoided getting angry for so long it was only a matter of time before something boiled over.

“Okay, fuck you that's not—what I'm trying to say is—“

“What _I'm_ trying to say is _leave._ ”

“I'm just trying to fucking help you, don't be a dick.” Dex tried for something softer but each word could cut glass and melt tungsten.

“Noted.” Nursey turned on his stereo via remote and settled into the bed, his chin resting in his palm. If Dex hadn't been so busy trying to calm himself he would have noticed the empty stare Nursey turned to his homework.

“Do you—“ Dex cut himself off. He still sounded antagonistic so he took a deep breath and counted backwards from ten. “Do you still want my help? Calculus, right?”

Nursey didn't answer. He didn't move at all with the exception of drumming his fingers against his book.

Dex sighed. It took every ounce of concentration for him to close the door softly as he left. He fired off a text to Holster to tell him not to press the issue unless it got worse. Without thinking too hard about it he texted Nursey, too. He could tell himself he was petty enough to need the last word, but he hadn't made it clear to Nursey that he only wanted to help, that he didn't want to fight.

_[Dex] Offer stands, Nursey_

_[Dex] I'll leave you alone if that's what you want_

_[Dex] Guys are worried though_

_[Dex] Me, too [Message failed to send. Retry?]_

 

So many people had gone home for Thanksgiving, leaving the campus nearly deserted. The few people shuffling around were either bundled up in coats or crowded in Annie's, the most popular coffee shop at Samwell.

Annie's was short staffed due to the holiday and since Dex couldn't afford to go home he offered his services. Partly because he felt bad for the one girl behind the counter and the manager, partly because he'd go crazy without school and practice and people to hang out with.

Dex didn't mind not being able to go home for the most part. He hated that he had to pick which holidays to spend with his family because he didn't have the money to visit for all of them, but he liked that he didn't have to hear about the family drama for another month. He loved his family as much as the next guy but there was always a side to take, someone to be mad at.

The coffee shop wasn't as bad as Dex had originally assessed. It was warm and cozy and just because he didn't want to spend money on a cup of black coffee when he could just run to the Haus for free doesn't mean he couldn't see the appeal. The smell of coffee and warming pastries was soothing enough to lull him into a relaxed state when Nursey came up to the counter.

He hadn't been doing better, not by Dex's standards, but he had cleaned up on the ice. He had also been distant with Dex, whatever bridge they had mended burned away a week ago.

“Poindexter,” Nursey said. “Thought you went home.”

Dex shrugged. He would have taken Nursey's order and hustled him off because it was bad form to talk to a friend on the clock, but no one else had lined up. Dex typed Nursey's order into the register without asking for it.

“I could say the same about you.”

“Yeah,” was all Nursey said.

Dex started the coffee brewing. “Here or to go?” he asked.

Nursey frowned. “Here. I'm no expert but don't you need to take my order first?”

All of the mugs at Annie's were mismatched, no two alike. Dex pulled out a blue one with sharks that reminded him of Chowder. “Are you ordering your usual?”

“Yeah.”

“Memorized it.” Dex wiped the cup clean with a rag and poured chocolate sauce into the bottom, followed by coffee and steamed almond milk. Cinnamon sprinkled over the top. “Do you want something to eat? Vegan cheesecake muffins are half price.”

Nursey hadn't stopped frowning. He watched every move Dex made with a furrow in his brow. “Uh, no. Not hungry.”

Dex raised an eyebrow because Nursey never turned down vegan cheesecake muffins, but said nothing. He punched in his student ID number and pushed the coffee across the counter.

“Three fifty.”

Nursey's frown deepened, “That's—“

“Friends and family discount, dum-dum,” Dex explained. “I work here, we're friends, you get discount.”

Nursey rolled his eyes and swiped his card. He took his mug and saluted it in Dex's direction before finding a place to sit. He was still there, in a corner booth by himself when Dex's shift ended an hour later so Dex stopped by on his way out. He rapped his knuckles on the table to draw Nursey's attention from the window.

“Hey, I'm heading out to stock up on pizza so I don't have to go anywhere tomorrow and try my luck at the store. Coming or what?”

Looking up from his barely touched coffee, Nursey nodded. “Sure. I need to talk to you anyway.”

Dex didn't think too hard about that. Together they dropped Nursey's cup at the dish station and headed out. Dex had forgotten how cold it was outside after being in the shop all day. His black t-shirt and flannel only did so much to block out the wind. Dex shivered and Nursey had already begun to shrug his jacket off.

“Where's your coat, dum-dum?” Nursey asked, parroting Dex's own half thought out chirp. He sounded a little more like himself, a teasing lilt in his voice.

Dex huffed and pulled the jacket on when Nursey offered it. It was a ridiculously ugly green thing that do doubt clashed horribly with his hair. He wouldn't have taken it if Nursey hadn't sounded just the smallest bit better or if he hadn't been wearing an equally ugly sweater. He _shouldn't_ have taken in because the sudden warmth was nearly as overwhelming as the smell of Nursey's pricey cologne. Dex didn't know what to make of the fact that he could feel the tension in his shoulders melt away.

“I forgot to set my alarm and had to rush.”

Nursey nodded. They walked in silence, occasionally bumping into each other when Nursey forgot how his feet worked. It would have been nice if he didn't look like he was going to throw up at any second.

“You wanted to talk?” Dex prompted.

Nursey looked straight ahead. “When we get back to the dorm.”

The first stop was the pizza place. It had crappy pizza and crappier staff but it was the only place that had the vegan avocado pizza that Nursey swore by. After some hassle on both their parts, Dex and Nursey had agreed to split the bill. Nursey paid for Dex's three meat pizza and Dex the avocado monstrosity as he had nicknamed it. Dex had been tempted to say fuck it and let Nursey pay for the pizza to avoid a fight, but Nursey smirked when he offered and Dex couldn't resist shoving him.

It was the liveliest Dex had seen Nursey in a while, stumbling against the counter with a glint in his eyes.

Nursey led them off campus after that, stopping at the nearest liquor store.

“Dude,” Dex said. “I know you're kind of stupid but did you forget that you're not twenty one?”

Nursey set his pizza on top of Dex's. “They don't card me here. Besides, it's not Thanksgiving without wine.”

Dex could think of many Thanksgivings without wine but kept the remark to himself. Nursey had been in the store for a while and Dex grew impatient. Nursey eventually came out brandishing two bottles wrapped in brown paper bags and a smile. He grabbed his pizza back and handed Dex a bottle.

The walk to the dorms was long and the only reason Dex's fingers hadn't frozen off was the heat radiating off the pizza. Dex had planned to spend Thanksgiving alone in his dorm room but if he had to admit it, he was looking forward to spending it with Nursey. Whether they talked about Nursey's problems or avoided it all together, Dex would put it all aside to keep Nursey company. That, at least, he could do.

It had taken a lot of maneuvering and shuffling to get the door open and not have to set anything down, but the two of them managed. Nursey's bedroom was wide open when they got inside, leaving the room as cold as it had been outside. All of the lights were out except for the string of white Christmas lights hanging over the desk. Nursey didn't turn on the lights or ask Dex to, he just collapsed onto his bed with his back against the wall.

Dex settled in between Nursey and the wall, having to dislodge several pillows to do so. Nursey hadn't closed the window either, which Dex used as an excuse to tug his borrowed coat closer to him. There was a quiet moment where all they did was eat and bask in the darkness. Nursey cracked open the foil wrappers on both bottles of wine.

“I don't remember if its white or red that goes with pizza so just drink whatever,” he said.

Dex picked the bottle of red and blatantly ignored the Italian scrawled on the label. He took a large drink, feeling like he was breaking some sort of bourgeois social rule but Nursey sat beside him and cradled the neck of the white bottle, tipping his head back like it was proper.

“So,” Nursey said after only half a slice of pizza and half a bottle of wine. “Talking.”

“Talking,” Dex agreed.

Nursey sighed and shoved his full box of pizza off the bed. “Its going to sound petulant,” he said. “I'm a grown up, right? I shouldn't feel like this anymore.”

Bitter wasn't a good look on Nursey, Dex decided. It hurt almost as bad as the empty glances.

“Like what?”

“I—“ Nursey tugged his hands through his hair. “My moms canceled our Thanksgiving plans to go to some gala. I called to ask about flights home and they started making excuses like usual.”

Dex didn't know what to say, but Nursey trudged on. “And it wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time, you know? They've been doing this since I was a kid. They bought me a car because they were in Paris for my sixteenth birthday. I thought maybe now that I'm in college, that I'm growing up they'd want to see me more.”

“I'm sure they do,” Dex said. He didn't know if it was true, he had never met either of Nursey's moms. They could be horrible people for all Dex knew. He suddenly regretted every argument about Nursey's privilege.

“Logically I know they love me, that they feel bad. When we are together the three of us are inseparable, you know? I just—do you remember what you said about me going into this sort of, funk I think you said?”

Nursey looked lost. Dex couldn't look away.

“Yes,” he said.

“It's a long story I'm sure you don't want to hear, but the short version is that I've been like this all my life. Worse.”

The image of Nursey now—tired and vacant—was bad enough. The thought of something worse than that twisted Dex's gut unpleasantly.

“I can't control it,” Derek continued. “I can't control feeling like the two people who are supposed to love me most in the world couldn't care less. It's—I stop functioning right.”

Nursey's next breaths rattled, his voice on the edge of cracking. He didn't look up when he talked.

Dex grabbed at Nursey's hand, his arm, his knee; anything to ground his friend.

“Nursey. Derek, it's okay. I understand. We don't have to talk about this anymore.”

Nursey dropped his head to Dex's shoulder. “Thank you.”

One of Dex's hands came up to cup Nursey's shoulder and he leaned back against the wall, taking Nursey with him. “Yeah, of course.”

The room was still cold and Dex's back ached from working all day but none of that mattered. He was scared of breaking the fragile stillness in the air, the slowing rise and fall of Nursey's chest.

“You called me Derek,” Nursey said, not quite a whisper. “It was nice. No one's called me Derek since before Andover.” He shuffled around on the bed until his head was in Dex's lap.

The feeling of reverence in Dex's chest was new, different. Wanting to protect this thing he and Nursey had, the trust and the casual way they fell together. It was unsettling to think about so Dex just curled his arms around Nursey's shoulders. If it was weird then Dex would handle the chirping later.

“One question,” Dex asked. He wasn't sure if Nursey could hear him, his voice was so low. “Are you getting help? Professionally?”

The silence wasn't tense, Dex thought for a minute that maybe Nursey had gone to sleep but his reply was steady. “I wasn't lying when I said I pay for a therapist.”

Satisfied for the moment Dex nodded. “Okay. You should sleep.”

“Will you stay?”

“If you want.”

“Okay.”

In the morning Dex would have a crick in his neck and his back would be killing him, but he rubbed Nursey's shoulder and tucked his nose into the fabric of his jacket.

“Goodnight, Derek.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit me on [ tumblr](https://www.histrionicdaisy.tumblr.com)


End file.
